I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
