i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
