So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
