No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
