Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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