Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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