Jerry, you need to find god
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wear drunk well.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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