i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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