you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
