did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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