Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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