yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
