apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
