Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
