All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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