How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
