I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The best revenge is premature balding
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
