I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
