let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
