have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
