Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
