meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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