the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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