He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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