the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
