When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
