a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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