That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
