I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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