i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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