I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
