she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
