someone threw a dead crab at me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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