So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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