Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
