weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I want to make a zoo with you.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
