i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
