We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
