She is in my trunk
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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