Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
