Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Couch. On fire.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
