I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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