Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
