hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
