Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't put those talents on a resume
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
