Duck Duck Cougar?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
