We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize