zippers are such a cool invention
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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