I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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