I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
