and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
