note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
