I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
