who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
3 2 1 whiskey
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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