i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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