I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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