People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
