i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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