I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
