when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
