She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
