chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
