SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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