I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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